it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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