i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
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He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
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just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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