What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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