I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
