I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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