Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
