I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
