she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
