He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
