Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
