peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
