so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize