I feel like I'm in dance class right now
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
