We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
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so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
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Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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