i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
