It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
