The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
