So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
The best revenge is premature balding
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
