I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
