Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
