Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
