Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
