I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
