I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
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Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
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Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
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