i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize