Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
