i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
