ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
