I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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