Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
