Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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