i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
