Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
