I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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