Soap is not a condiment
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Randomize
