Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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