theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
and she was petting her beer can
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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