i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
