im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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