and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
