Kiss
Puke
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
