i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
