I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
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There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
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I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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