Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
