Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Come see our sink grown plant.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
