Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!

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(313): marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte! http://tfl.nu/25lr

Replies (1) Good night (3601) Bad night (1422)
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(908): View more from New Jersey

we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.

(1-908): View more from New Jersey

you should have been aborted.

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(908): we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now. (1-908): you should have been aborted. http://tfl.nu/el6q

Replies (19) Good night (4184) Bad night (1014)
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(813): View more from Florida

he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"

(305): View more from Florida

does that mean he doesn't last long?

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(813): he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon" (305): does that mean he doesn't last long? http://tfl.nu/k8bo

Replies (10) Good night (819) Bad night (3668)
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(734): View more from Michigan

I wish I had a frozen water bed.

(253): View more from Washington

best. idea. ever.

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(734): I wish I had a frozen water bed. (253): best. idea. ever. http://tfl.nu/r1w7

Replies (58) Good night (5795) Bad night (2067)
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(909): View more from California

don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.

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(909): don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me. http://tfl.nu/8txy

Replies (13) Good night (1665) Bad night (5989)
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(313): View more from Michigan

So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.

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(313): So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college. http://tfl.nu/hsa9

Replies (4) Good night (3162) Bad night (961)
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(512): View more from Texas

honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party

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(512): honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party http://tfl.nu/io10

Replies (6) Good night (2208) Bad night (586)
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(316): View more from Kansas

I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.

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(316): I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants. http://tfl.nu/tqrn

Replies (5) Good night (2566) Bad night (845)
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(204): View more from Manitoba

We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.

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(204): We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day. http://tfl.nu/b3rk

Replies (15) Good night (3787) Bad night (623)
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(615): View more from Tennessee

I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.

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(615): I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza. http://tfl.nu/b1m9

Replies (0) Good night (830) Bad night (551)
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(631): View more from New York

But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND

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(631): But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND http://tfl.nu/5e4y

Replies (23) Good night (2707) Bad night (530)
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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.

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(814): I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography. http://tfl.nu/gojc

Replies (4) Good night (2148) Bad night (527)
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(503): View more from Oregon

Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.

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(503): Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high. http://tfl.nu/n3hc

Replies (8) Good night (671) Bad night (357)
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(503): View more from Oregon

Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.

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(503): Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY. http://tfl.nu/gw0u

Replies (3) Good night (573) Bad night (228)
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(699): View more from

woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night

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(699): woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night http://tfl.nu/b4fw

Replies (1) Good night (576) Bad night (174)

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