Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
