Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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