im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
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i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
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Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face