Texts From Last Night

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  (631): View more from New York

  Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.

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  (631): Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life. http://tfl.nu/pg4a
  Replies (2) Good night (935) Bad night (2953)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.

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  (636): Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme. http://tfl.nu/cvtw
  Replies (8) Good night (3089) Bad night (613)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?

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  (701): Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave? http://tfl.nu/y6y0
  Replies (17) Good night (4808) Bad night (930)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes

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  (708): Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes http://tfl.nu/wqgi
  Replies (10) Good night (4334) Bad night (932)
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless

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  (607): Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless http://tfl.nu/a84j
  Replies (20) Good night (5063) Bad night (531)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night

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  (609): id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night http://tfl.nu/kxc6
  Replies (11) Good night (3582) Bad night (937)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy

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  (315): There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy http://tfl.nu/q2vq
  Replies (6) Good night (1938) Bad night (3392)
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back

  (971): View more from Oregon

  You should go to counseling for that

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  (650): So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back (971): You should go to counseling for that http://tfl.nu/q4bf
  Replies (6) Good night (2012) Bad night (1229)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.

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  (619): Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't. http://tfl.nu/8mv6
  Replies (14) Good night (4365) Bad night (1410)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.

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  (913): He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back. http://tfl.nu/xhdz
  Replies (23) Good night (2313) Bad night (718)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  Moonshine marathon is never a good idea

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  (757): Moonshine marathon is never a good idea http://tfl.nu/1b2l
  Replies (6) Good night (490) Bad night (301)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was

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  (850): Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was http://tfl.nu/le26
  Replies (1) Good night (407) Bad night (226)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.

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  (202): I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house. http://tfl.nu/n9mx
  Replies (7) Good night (1532) Bad night (314)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.

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  (775): I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice. http://tfl.nu/qaps
  Replies (1) Good night (822) Bad night (205)
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks

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  (870): she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks http://tfl.nu/glna
  Replies (0) Good night (223) Bad night (875)

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