I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
