the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
