Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
