Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
