Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
