I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
