Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Randomize
