Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
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I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
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Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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