So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
