Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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