Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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