Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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