He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
