New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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