You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I understand Curling. That high.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
