I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
