The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
