What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
