Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I think people are normalizing furries
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