Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
