So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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