you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Randomize
