Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
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