quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I love having hate sex.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
