Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
