So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
50% drunk capacity currently
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
