Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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