needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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