Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
