Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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