Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
