Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
