everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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