Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
