the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
