smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
