My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Randomize
