the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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