OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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