I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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