Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
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christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
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smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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