I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
