youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
